Had a baby it’s a boy…
Timing is everything isn’t it? I feel this big burst of creative energy and begin to share about my relationship with Ayurveda.. and I have every intention of documenting my journey of pregnancy into motherhood… But here we are, almost 9 months in and complete radio silence on my end. Full disclosure, I had some anxiety about sharing.. and clearly the anxiety won… But perhaps it all happened exactly as it should..
I sit here today reflecting on where to begin and what to share. The ancient wisdom of Ayurveda helped me in many ways during this era of my life. I’m honestly not sure I would have even considered having a child if it weren’t for the knowledge I gained from studying Ayurveda. As one would assume, Ayurveda helped me to prepare me for pregnancy physically, but also, and perhaps more importantly, it prepared me mentally and emotionally as well.
How to properly prepare for pregnancy: Ayurveda is known for it’s famous cleanse- pancha karma. While a true pancha karma cleanse takes extensive time in fact months- way more than your local juicery’s 3-5 day cleanses. Properly cleansing to prepare the body for pregnancy takes time as well because the cleanse should ideally reach all 7 layers of dhatus, or tissues and it is recommended to start preparing the body at least 6 months prior to trying to conceive. While I created a protocol of cleansing herbs and specific food profiles to focus on, the bulk of my preparation was in noticing patterns in my emotional realm. I did a deep dive into my triggers, got clear about my own childhood, and focused on how I wanted to feel- a big shift from someone who perpetually tried to please others and self sacrifice. Oy.
The 4th Trimester: It pains me to say this, but I had always seen women in my life extremely depleted after transitioning into motherhood. I had watched coworkers rejoin the work force and struggle to stay physically and mentally connected to their work, and in a constant state of never good enough. I could go on and on, but what I needed was to understand WHY. I was aware of the physical pain and recovery from labor and delivery, but it felt like this observation was more than that. As I studied Ayurveda I learned about the 4th trimester, at least the first 40 days post birth, and how important it is for the mother to be truly nurtured, nourished and cared for as she cares for the new baby. The most impactful words I had burnt into my brain were, “How a new mother is cared for during the first forty days sets the tone for the next forty years of her life.” I feel like I’ve witnessed a generation of women without this wisdom, and I knew it had to be a massive priority for me. I did a deep dive into how to properly care for myself during this time. I prepared meals, I had my herbal protocol ready to go, I had ghee- LOTS OF GHEE- and set some firm boundaries. It made all the difference in the world.
I sought out support: As much as I want to believe I can do it all, the truth is, we aren’t supposed to (I’m talking to you pitta ladies!!). I had a lot of wisdom bestowed on me, but there was no way I could do it all myself. So, I sat with myself and thought of exactly how I wanted my pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum life to feel. I recognized I will certainly not have control over much, but I tried to imagine the dream situation. I chose 3 words that captured the sentiment: strong, supported, and grateful. From that information I made intentional choices. I added pilates with an instructor who specialized in the pregnant and postpartum body and care. I found a pelvic floor specialist, prenatal yoga class, and prenatal masseuse. I found an amazing OB-GYN and a doula for birth and to visit several times postpartum to aid in whatever ways we needed. And I did a lot of work with my partner to prepare him for the specific support I knew I would need and how to calmly communicate my needs. My pattern previously would be to begrugdingly tackle something on my own, white knuckling because I believed I had to, and I could. But, it always left me depleted, dried up, and aggro. Not exactly how I wanted to set the tone for the next 40 years, or teach a new baby that this was just what being human meant.
The Fear of Motherhood: I never thought I would have kids. I never thought about it much, until I realized I was in my mid 30’s and I may have missed my chance. The emotional outburst of panic made it clear that having a baby was something I truly wanted.. But I also then stepped into a lot of fear. Fear of not being able to get pregnant. Fear of something going wrong once I was pregnant. Fear of sharing the joy and then something going wrong. So. Much. Fear. With the support of an Ayurvedic practitioner and therapist, I was guided to examine, sit with, and get curious about this emotion of fear, and I ended up coming to learn of some family trauma with infertility, repeated miscarriages and near death experiences in delivery. No shit I was scared! Now this fear was clearly not mine, but something I literally inherited. As the saying goes, if it’s hysterical it’s historical, and Ayurveda looks at the experiences of your lineage, wayyyy beyond just your family medical history, but to the actual life experiences of your elders, and how it clearly impacts the person you are. But at the end of the day, many of these emotional responses aren’t our own. And we need to have an active practice of identifying and separating the ingrained fear with the reality of how you actually feel. Reality testing it for yourself challenged me to do the deep work of rewiring a bit and being able to experience new feelings around becoming a mother.
Two Truths: Potentially, my favorite part of the Tantric lineage of Ayurveda I have learned from, is that there are two truths and it is our job to hold both. Like I said before, the experiences (or the trauma, for example) of your elders in your lineage have a direct impact on you. This is part of doing shadow work. Recognizing some aspect of yourself is not serving you, and that it perhaps doesn’t even belong to you. As one of my teachers once said, “that’s not your shit. Let it go.” Recognizing that the experiences of your past can inform your state of being today is empowering. BUT, it’s important not just to look at the mistakes and traumas but the lives they created and the amazing things your lineage accomplished as well. There are many aspects of ourselves that are a direct product of the work of our ancestors as well. Those are the two truths. Work on the mistakes, as you stand on their strong shoulders. So, while my mother struggled with her fertility in many ways, I also knew exactly what her deliveries were like, and could inform my medical team. In fact they knew exactly what to do as my body had a similar response. So the medical care I needed wasn’t traumatic at all, just a chance for me to be grateful for modern medicine.
As I continue to think of stories and examples of how this powerful ancient wisdom has allowed me to live this life I had never dreamed of I will continue to share. Some stories may seem simple, and yes Ayurveda is simple. But it isn’t easy. These shifts may seem obvious, but are often hard, and take time- more time than we are used to waiting- for these shifts. But the shifts are inevitable once you pay enough attention, notice the symptoms- not as problems to fix but communication from the body and mind on which direction to go, and have the energy to do the work. It’s all possible. .
